


How Orks Ruined The Abess's Day

by BloodyMary



Series: How Ork Logic Ruined Everything [2]
Category: Warhammer 40.000
Genre: Crack, Gen, in which people try to make the best of a shitty situation, ork logic ruins everything, seriously what others reason can there be in universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 06:30:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8317429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodyMary/pseuds/BloodyMary
Summary: Inquisitor Scaevola had broken free from ork captivity and brought dire news to the Imperium. The Sisters of Battle (and one Ultramarine) find out just how dire it is.





	

Abess Palmiro regarded Scaevola in stony silence. He was missing an arm, and had a number of freshly healed scars on his face—but one had to be prepared to make sacrifices in the service of the Emperor. And given what news he had brought to her, his sacrifice had been small in comparison to the monstrosity of which he was warning them.

 

“We cannot allow this,” she said solemnly.

 

“How do you presume to stop the xenos from following their… logic?” Chapter Master Ollanius of the Ultramarines asked in sepulchral tones. “It is not as if we can distribute informatory pamphlets among the orks so that they understand human biology better.”

 

Palmiro watched the great warrior suspiciously—was that humour? But no, the dark features of the Space Marine remained solemn.

 

“Pardon me, my Lord, my Lady,” one of the Sisters attending her said. A significant part of her head was covered in metal, and the remainder of her hair was shaved off, exposing devotional tattoos. “I… may have a solution.”

 

“Speak child,” Palmiro said.

 

The woman bowed. “May I request something to draw on?”

 

After a moment, Ollanius had dug out a purple crayon from a compartment of his armour, while Inquisitor Scaevola offered a battered children’s book. The Sister sketched diligently for a moment, before turning over the effect of her efforts.

 

Palmiro regarded the sketch, pursing her lips. It… would likely do, but…

 

“May I have the crayon back?” Ollanius rumbled. “It was a gift.”

 

The Sister obliged, her head bobbing in another bow.

 

“We could use the… um… additional space on the chest as storage compartments,” the Sister said.

 

“Good idea,” Palmiro said weakly. She took a deep breath. “For the Emperor, and for the good of his subjects, we will have to add breasts to our armour.”

 

Chapter Master Ollanius placed his large armoured hand on her shoulder. “You sacrifice will be forever venerated.”

 

Now all she had to do was convince the Mechanicum that this was not an abomination against the Machine Spirits of the armour.

 

Accursed xenos, she thought viciously. It was such a pity that Scaevola had killed the Warboss with his own arm in the course of his escape, since Palmiro had a few… pointy arguments she wanted to make to the xeno.


End file.
